Example manuscript analysis

A real structural read of Few and Far Between - Draft 6, a finished fantasy draft. Every note points to the chapters where the problem lives, explains why it matters, and suggests an approach. None of it rewrites the author’s prose.

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Where the issues cluster

The 17 high-priority issues

These are the notes the checklist puts first. The full checklist adds the medium and low priority notes, quotes, and ripple checks.

  1. Plot Holes

    Crescent necklace duplication without explanation

    Chapters: VI - Old Books and Star Maps, VII - Between Water and Stone, XIV - Sea of Portent

    Why it matters: The crescent stones are doing real narrative work — they give Alina a premonition and give Silah a vision of Alina in the tower that later motivates his rescue. If the mechanism feels arbitrary or unexplained, these crucial plot moments lose their power and feel like convenient coincidences rather than meaningful connections.

    Suggested approach: Tighten the chain of custody so both stones clearly come from the same original pair. The simplest fix: have the merchant in Korinth explicitly say he acquired the stone from a trader who got it in the Basharnai mountains, and that the sister stone was sold to a merchant bound for Sharith. This creates a clear line: one stone goes to Hadier (then Alina), the other goes through trade to Radheim (then Bree). You could also have Bree or Silah notice the similarity at some point, creating a moment of recognition.

  2. Plot Holes

    Radheim's impossible timeline — departing for Roslin while Asheem is already dead

    Chapters: VIII - Woodfire Tea, X - Secret Meetings

    Why it matters: Radheim's duplicity is a key plot element. If the reader can't track what Radheim actually did versus what he told Silah, the betrayal loses its sting. The ambiguity also makes Silah look naive in a way that may not be intended — did Radheim leave and come back, or did he never leave at all?

    Suggested approach: Add a brief moment where Silah notices something off — perhaps he spots the man at the docks who resembles Radheim (this scene already exists in Chapter IX: 'Something about the man's stature and the way he carried himself reminded him of Radheim'). Strengthen this moment so the reader understands Radheim may never have left. Alternatively, during the secret meeting, have Radheim explicitly say something like 'I dealt with the matter in Roslin personally' to confirm he went and was involved in Asheem's death.

  3. Character Agency

    Silah is repeatedly passive and led by others throughout the story

    Chapters: III - Stove, IV - The Man From the West, VIII - Woodfire Tea, X - Secret Meetings, XII - The Hunted, XV - Roslin

    Why it matters: Readers invest in protagonists who make difficult choices and face consequences. Silah's passivity makes him feel more like a courier than a hero. The story tells us he's brave, but his actions consistently show him being directed by others (Asheem, Bree, Hadier, the hermit, Lorindal). This undermines the emotional payoff of his journey and makes Bree feel like the true protagonist, which creates a structural imbalance since the narrative gives them roughly equal weight.

    Suggested approach: Give Silah at least two or three moments where he makes a difficult, consequential choice that no one else prompts. For instance, in the eavesdropping scene (Chapter X), let Silah be the one who insists they listen — perhaps driven by his desperate need for news of Asheem. In Roslin, let Silah be the one who recognizes the danger of the closed ports and proposes the alternative route before Mohsin appears. Most importantly, in the scene with General Taran, let Silah actively argue and persuade rather than simply presenting evidence and stepping back.

  4. Relationships

    Silah and Bree's relationship develops too quickly and without meaningful conflict

    Chapters: IX - In the Leaves, X - Secret Meetings, XII - The Hunted, XIX - Weathered

    Why it matters: The Silah-Bree relationship is the emotional spine of the middle two-thirds of the novel. Without genuine friction and repair, it reads as a friendship of convenience rather than a bond forged through adversity. The reader needs to feel that this relationship was earned, especially because their separation in Al-Akun is meant to be emotionally devastating — but it can only devastate if the bond feels deep and tested.

    Suggested approach: Introduce a genuine conflict between Silah and Bree that stems from their different backgrounds and motivations. Silah is driven by personal grief (his father's murder); Bree is driven by patriotic duty. These motivations should clash at some point. Perhaps Silah wants to pursue vengeance against Radheim, while Bree insists they must focus on Korinth. Or perhaps Bree's revelation that her father is the conspirator creates a moment where Silah questions whether he can trust her — after all, she's the daughter of the man who had his father killed. Let this tension simmer and require a genuine reconciliation scene.

  5. Relationships

    Bree shows almost no emotional reaction to her father's betrayal and Asheem's murder

    Chapters: X - Secret Meetings, XII - The Hunted, XVI - Alleys and Allies

    Why it matters: Bree's relationship with her father is one of the most dramatically rich elements of the story, but it's almost entirely unexplored emotionally. A daughter discovering her father is a traitor and a murderer should be one of the most devastating moments in the book. By skipping past this emotional reckoning, the story loses enormous depth and makes Bree feel less human. It also weakens her motivation — right now she seems driven purely by abstract patriotism, when the personal betrayal should make her mission far more complex and painful.

    Suggested approach: Add a scene, perhaps during their journey from Sharith, where Bree breaks down. Let her grieve the father she thought she knew. Let her rage at the betrayal. Let her question whether she's doing the right thing by betraying her own family. This internal conflict should recur — not just once, but as a thread throughout her journey. The moment in Chapter XVII where her voice breaks should be the culmination of building pressure, not an isolated crack.

  6. Dialogue

    Many characters speak with the same formal, expository voice

    Chapters: IV - The Man From the West, VII - Between Water and Stone, VIII - Woodfire Tea, XVII - Mosswood, XXVI - By Word and Flame

    Why it matters: Distinctive dialogue is one of the primary ways readers differentiate characters and remember them. When everyone sounds the same, the world feels less populated and less real. It also makes it harder for the reader to 'hear' the characters, which reduces immersion. The manuscript has a large cast, and dialogue voice is one of the most efficient tools for making each character memorable.

    Suggested approach: Develop a distinct speech pattern for each major character based on their background. Silah, a fisherman's son, should speak more plainly and use concrete, physical metaphors (the sea, fish, weather). Bree, a reader and dreamer, might speak in longer, more abstract sentences. Lorindal's speech should feel ancient and rhythmic — the text notes his accent but his actual words sound like everyone else's. General Taran should speak in short, clipped military sentences. Consider giving characters verbal tics or habitual phrases that mark their speech as uniquely theirs.

  7. POV Consistency

    Omniscient narrator intrudes into multiple characters' heads within single scenes

    Chapters: II - Beneath the Crown, V - Memory, VII - Between Water and Stone

    Why it matters: The manuscript establishes a pattern of close third-person POV rotating between characters by chapter. When the narrator suddenly enters a secondary character's head mid-scene, it breaks the reader's immersion and undermines the intimacy of the established POV. The Fenwick scene is the most jarring because it's an entirely separate mini-scene from a minor character's perspective dropped into what is otherwise Alina's narrative space.

    Suggested approach: For the Fenwick scene, either make it a clearly marked interlude (a scene break with Fenwick as the brief POV character) or rewrite it so we only see what Alina would notice—Fenwick's visible hesitation, his odd glance at the document. For other instances, filter observations through the POV character's perception: Hadier can see Alina shivering, but describe it as what he observes rather than what she feels internally.

  8. Clarity

    The crescent necklace connection between Alina and Silah is insufficiently established

    Chapters: VII - Between Water and Stone, XIV - Sea of Portent, XVIII - Catch and Release, XXVIII - On the Edge of the World

    Why it matters: The crescent stones serve as a crucial plot device—they're the reason Alina recognizes Silah in the tower, which is a pivotal moment of trust. If readers don't understand the connection, the recognition scene in Chapter XXVIII loses its emotional power and feels arbitrary. The visions in Chapters XIV and XVIII also feel disconnected and confusing without a clearer through-line.

    Suggested approach: Add a brief moment of realization for at least one character. When Silah has his vision in Chapter XVIII, he could notice the crescent stone is warm in his hand and wonder about it. When Alina recognizes him in Chapter XXVIII, she could touch her own crescent and say something that makes the connection explicit for the reader. You don't need to over-explain—just give the reader enough breadcrumbs to connect the dots.

  9. Clarity

    Silah's plan to drown Alina lacks sufficient setup for the reader to follow

    Chapters: XXIV - The Enchanted Glade, XXVIII - On the Edge of the World, XXX - Cold Water Breathing

    Why it matters: This is the climactic moment of the entire novel. If the reader doesn't understand Silah's plan, the scene becomes bewildering rather than thrilling. The emotional payoff of Alina's revival depends on the reader understanding the terrible gamble Silah is taking.

    Suggested approach: Give Silah a brief but explicit moment of realization, either on the rooftop or during the earlier conversation with Hadier. When Hadier says the enchantment can only be broken through death, Silah could think of the hermit's words and the vial. Even a single line of internal thought—'Death and then life. The hermit had done it. Could it be done again?'—would be enough to plant the seed so the reader understands what Silah is attempting when he pulls Alina into the water.

  10. Worldbuilding

    Anachronistic items in a pre-industrial, pre-Christian world

    Chapters: VI - Old Books and Star Maps, VII - Between Water and Stone

    Why it matters: Readers who have accepted the world as roughly medieval/ancient will be jarred by these modern intrusions. It undermines the carefully built atmosphere of Korinth as an ancient city and makes the worldbuilding feel inconsistent, pulling readers out of the story at moments meant to be immersive.

    Suggested approach: Replace 'espresso' with a strong brewed coffee prepared by simpler means (boiled in a pot, steeped, or brewed in a cezve-style vessel). Remove the printed menu and instead have a vendor describe the offering verbally. Keep the exotic origin from Al-Akun, which works well, but ground the preparation in pre-industrial methods.

  11. Foreshadowing

    The paired Crescent Stones are set up but their mechanic is inconsistently used

    Chapters: VII - Between Water and Stone, XIV - Sea of Portent, XVIII - Catch and Release, XXVIII - On the Edge of the World

    Why it matters: The crescent stones are a crucial plot device — they connect Alina, Bree, and Silah across vast distances and drive key decisions (Silah recognizes Alina's tower room because of his vision). If the reader can't understand how the stones work, the payoffs feel arbitrary rather than earned. The recognition scene in Chapter XXVIII ('I recognize you... Boy from my dreams') depends on the reader understanding the connection.

    Suggested approach: Establish clearer rules: the stones show visions of the other stone's surroundings (not the wearer's eyes), and proximity to the stone (wearing or holding) is sufficient to trigger visions during sleep. Then ensure each vision is consistent with this rule. Alina's vision in Chapter XIV should show what's near Bree's stone (in a bag on a horse), and Silah's vision in Chapter XVIII should show what's near Alina's stone (in her tower room, on the vanity). Both of these already roughly work — just make the mechanic explicit enough that readers can track it.

  12. Action Scenes

    The Taneen battle resolution is entirely offscreen from Bree's perspective

    Chapters: XXV - On the Back of the World, XXXI - Last Stand

    Why it matters: This is the payoff for Bree's entire arc — her bravery, her capture, her escape, her bond with the Taneen. The reader has been waiting for this moment since Chapter XXI. By relegating it to Hadier's ground-level observation, the emotional and visceral impact is drastically diminished. It's like watching the climax of a film through a security camera.

    Suggested approach: Either add a section from Bree's POV during the aerial assault on the fleet, or intercut between Hadier on the ground and Bree in the air. Let the reader experience the destruction from the back of the Taneen — the wind, the fire, the ships splintering below, Bree's terror and awe. This doesn't need to be long, but it needs to exist.

  13. Tension

    The Taneen functions as a deus ex machina that resolves multiple crises simultaneously

    Chapters: XXV - On the Back of the World, XXX - Cold Water Breathing, XXXI - Last Stand

    Why it matters: When a single external force resolves the novel's three biggest crises, it retroactively deflates the tension of all three. The reader realizes that no matter how dire things got, a dragon was going to show up and fix everything. This is especially damaging because the novel spent many chapters building these crises through the characters' own choices and sacrifices.

    Suggested approach: Consider having the Taneen resolve only one crisis — the battle — and find other solutions for Bree's escape and Silah/Alina's rescue. Alternatively, if the Taneen must be the solution to multiple problems, foreshadow its involvement more heavily and make Bree's bond with it feel more deliberate. Perhaps Bree actively seeks out the Taneen hunters rather than stumbling upon the captured beast. The key is making the Taneen feel like a consequence of character choices rather than narrative convenience.

  14. Tension

    Silah's consistent passivity and reluctance undermine urgency throughout the middle act

    Chapters: X - Secret Meetings, XII - The Hunted, XV - Roslin

    Why it matters: When one of your two protagonists consistently resists forward momentum, it creates a frustrating reading experience. The reader knows the clock is ticking, Bree knows the clock is ticking, but Silah keeps pumping the brakes. More importantly, it's inconsistent with his motivation — his father was killed by these people. He should be at least as driven as Bree, if not more so.

    Suggested approach: Give Silah a different kind of resistance that doesn't read as passivity. Perhaps he's driven but cautious — he wants to move fast but is terrified of making the wrong choice because the last time he trusted someone (Radheim), his father died. This transforms his hesitation from 'I don't believe you' to 'I'm afraid of trusting the wrong path again,' which is far more sympathetic and doesn't slow the plot.

  15. Tension

    The twelve-day countdown loses all urgency due to pacing

    Chapters: X - Secret Meetings, XV - Roslin, XVII - Mosswood, XXII - Within the Sands, XXIV - The Enchanted Glade

    Why it matters: A ticking clock is one of the most powerful tension devices in fiction, but only if the reader can feel it ticking. When characters feast and philosophize without reference to their deadline, the urgency evaporates. The reader stops worrying about whether they'll make it in time because the characters themselves don't seem worried.

    Suggested approach: Add brief but consistent reminders of the countdown throughout the journey — a line here and there where Bree or Silah checks the days remaining, or where enjoyable moments are tinged with guilt about lost time. The Mosswood feast can stay, but have Bree or Silah feel the tension of wanting to leave immediately versus needing rest. The fishing lesson can stay, but have Silah glance at the horizon and think about the days remaining.

  16. Ending

    Meerab's escape and the unresolved conspiracy create an unsatisfying lack of accountability

    Chapters: XXXII - Twilight Greetings, XXXIII - The Laurel Queen

    Why it matters: After 30+ chapters of building toward this confrontation, the reader needs some form of reckoning with the antagonists. It doesn't have to be violent — it could be a trial, a confrontation, even a scene where Alina publicly denounces Meerab's crimes. But the complete absence of any accountability makes the victory feel hollow. The bad guys simply... leave.

    Suggested approach: If Meerab's escape is intended to set up a sequel, that's fine — but give the reader at least one moment of direct confrontation or consequence. Perhaps Alina publicly reads out Meerab's crimes during the coronation, or Taran captures one of Meerab's lieutenants (like Sedrick) who must face justice. For Radheim, consider giving Bree a moment of emotional reckoning — a letter from her father, or a scene where she processes his betrayal. The reader needs to see that the villains' actions had consequences, even if the villains themselves escaped.

  17. Ending

    The final chapters rush through the resolution without emotional depth

    Chapters: XXXII - Twilight Greetings, XXXIII - The Laurel Queen

    Why it matters: The ending is where the reader processes the entire emotional journey of the novel. Rushing through it denies the reader the catharsis they've earned. Hadier and Alina's reunion should be a scene, not a summary. Bree's return to Sharith — to a home without her father — should be felt, not skipped. The reader needs time to say goodbye to these characters.

    Suggested approach: Expand the final chapters significantly. Give Hadier and Alina a full scene together — let them talk about what happened, what they lost, what they hope for. Give Bree a moment of reflection as she returns to Sharith and sees her father's empty house. Give Silah a moment where he thinks about his father and what Asheem would have thought of his journey. The coronation can remain ceremonial, but the scenes around it should be intimate and character-driven.

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